The In-between

I am in the in-between place. I am still grieving the losses I have experienced, new and old. I am currently reading The Fall of Marigolds which is an historical fiction novel that weaves the NYC triangle shirtwaist fire of 1911 and the events of 9/11. While reading the character's description of her story of that horrible day on 9/11 I nearly had a panic attack reliving the fear and terror I experienced that day. Some may ask why in the world I would want to read that story at all if it hits so close to home but I believe that pain has purpose. I do not wish to stuff my pain in a dark closet and walk away from it and pretend it's not there anymore. Because every time I need something from that closet or walk past it there is the potential for that dark truth of that pain to seep out in unexpected ways.

Instead I wish to invite the pain out into the light and examine it. I wish to understand it and why it was brought into my life. What can I learn from it? Instead I must feel the feelings it brings up and honor them. It is okay to feel those feelings even if it is unpleasant. When I allow those feelings to take up space I can release them and let them go rather than shoving them back in that closet and denying that I have those feelings at all.

So I am not who I once was but still not fully who I am meant to be. I am in the in-between and I am taking the time to process, feel and heal so I can let go and move on. I want to live my life with love, peace and hope. Fear…step aside.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

There is only love or fear. Choose you. Choose love.