Breadcrumbs

I remember it like it was yesterday. One of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had. It was a Monday morning and I realized I couldn’t stay in my marriage any longer. The mix of emotions swirling around in me was incapacitating. I barely made it to work and instead of eating lunch I threw up and went home for the next 2.5 days.

I had no idea how I was going to get from point A-being married, to point B-being divorced with two young girls. Not to mention my mother had bought a mother-daughter house with us 3 years earlier. So not only would I be uprooting and devastating my life, my husband's life and my children’s lives but throw in my mom while we’re at it. The guilt, shame, and all of it had me spiraling.

Only a few months before I started seeing an acupuncturist who taught me about gratitude. I had been using her book, 31 Days of Gratitude, Create the Life You Desire by Shilamida, to create a gratitude practice. She also had a facebook page and posted inspirational videos. I went searching that day to find something to help me get out. Something to help me figure out what to do next. I didn’t know how I would get where I was going but I knew I needed to go. I made the choice and I just took it one baby step at a time. I had broken down in my acupuncturist office about a month or two before my panic attack and she was so sweet to me and calmed me down and told me to reach out to her anytime. That day I reached out for that lifeline and asked her for her support. I went and got acupuncture which helped and she gave me a mantra to repeat. "I am safe, I am ok, I am protected."

Within the next few weeks my dad who is a certified reiki instructor taught me how to do reiki. I started practicing daily. During my prep period and my lunch period at school I would turn the lights off in my classroom and sit on the carpet, put my music on and close my eyes and give myself reiki. One of my dad’s friends that he met through his reiki groups had written a book, Reiki as a Spiritual Practice: An Illustrated Guide by Nathalie Jaspar. I read the book and used it to help me continue to practice. I read the reiki precepts in the book over and over…

Do not bear anger, for anger is an illusion.

Do not be worried, fear is a distraction.

Be true to your way and your being.

Show compassion to yourself and others because this is your essence.

I clung to those words, they soothed me as I navigated the storm around me.

I used music, I found books, and I started seeking out healing. I joined a group coaching program, continued seeing my therapist, went to workshops and eventually about a year later I met Jennifer, who would become my life coach and a dear friend. I met another friend, Jamie, during a workshop. Jamie and I started Nancy Levin’s Life Coach Academy and became certified life coaches together.

I just kept searching for the next thing to help me. I kept following the breadcrumbs.

If you have ever been stuck and immobilized by fear of what to do next this is for you.

Search…search until you find something that resonates with you and feels good in your gut. Then follow it. It does get better, but remember you always have a choice…choose you.

I see your fear and I raise it. The only way to get past the fear is to look it in the face and keep moving.

If any of this resonates with you and you are feeling stuck I invite you to schedule a free discovery call to see if reinvention coaching would benefit you.

Don’t stop believing, don’t give up hope. You will find a way. ❤️

Namaste

Maureen